Thierry Henry

Thierry Henry is the bald striker that plays for France and Barcelona. One of the better soccer players in the world, Henry recently made international news when his handball helped the French team beat the Irish team to qualify for the World Cup. In his younger days, Henry had some pretty cool hair and an epic stache.

Never Understood Why People Would Carry Around a Boombox

As he got a little older, he decided to buzz down his hair. The crew cut worked well for him, especially considering he had a low, straight hairline.

Decent Hairline

Henry is now in his 30s, and his hairline has gone north on the sides in typical Hamilton-Norwood 3 fashion. It looks like he buzzes his hair with a number 1. He is still a good looking, fashionable Frenchman. Henry proves once again that for black guys, going bald really isn’t a big deal.

Funny Face

Being in incredibly good shape doesn’t hurt his case either.

Do All Soccer Players Have 6 Packs?

French Women are notoriously beautiful, and Henry has certainly taken advantage. His most attractive girlfriend was Nicole Merry, who as far as I can tell, is really just known for dating Henry.

Nicole Merry

Hopefully she shaves her pits.

Tony Kornheiser

Tony Kornheiser is a former Sportswriter famously known for co-hosting the show Pardon the Interruption with fellow bald man, Michael Wilbon. He also had an infamous stint on Monday Night Football, which he ended up leaving due to a fear of flying.

Kornheiser is an older dude, and frequently references his own hair, talking about how he used to have some decent locks back in the 70s. Here’s his High School yearbook picture.

Kornheiser has mentioned that his hair started thinning relatively early in life, when he was at the greatest university on the planet – SUNY Binghamton.

Kornheiser has one of the more famous comb-overs out there. There are entire websites dedicated to his hair loss.

Comb-over is Never a Good Idea

 

Kornheiser has benefited from the progression of his hair loss. He has gotten to the point where he can’t even pull off a combover anymore, so he just leaves it alone up top – a much better look.

He Will Never Be Brad Pitt

 

On his radio show, Kornheiser once referenced his love for bald basketball commentator Dick Vitale saying he likes whenever a bald man gets a good job.

Kornheiser famously criticized Sportscenter anchor Hannah Storm‘s wardobe, saying she dressed too slutty for her age.  I don’t think he will ever have the same complaint for another ESPN employee, hot new anchor Jenn Brown.

The New Erin Andrews

Patrick Stewart

If Bruce Willis is the bald Jesus, Sir Patrick Stewart (yes he was nighted) is the bald god. He is mostly known for his role in  Star Trek: The Next Generation, playing Jean-Luc Picard. For my money, he played a much better captain than that toupee wearing fraud, William Shatner. 

Jean-Luc Picard

 

In one BBC interview, Stewart discussed his balding extensively. As an aspiring young actor, he wore a toupee, but eventually ditched it when he realized it messed with his self confidence. 

 In Star Trek, Stewart’s character is highly cerebral. Everyone knows being bald is an advantage due to brain cooling. While a man with a full head of hair might overheat if he thinks too hard, bald men have no such problem. 

With that shaved head, Stewart looks like a dude from the future. He has also played Professor Charles Xavier in the X-Men series. 

Everyone Knows, Bald = Telekinetic Powers

 

The bald look works white well for Stewart, which is lucky for him, because it looks like he lost his hair early on. 

Patrick Stewart with Hair

He looks like an absolute cheeseball when they make him wear hair for a role.

Patrick Stewart With a Toupee

The latest Star Trek movie actually didn’t suck. I especially liked Zoe Saldana as Nyota Uhura.

Gotta Love Black Girls

She can beam me up anytime she wants.

Howie Mandel

Howie Mandel is the bald comedian mostly known for hosting Deal or No Deal and serving on a judge on America’s Got Talent. As a younger man, Mandel had guest roles and producing jobs on several television shows. Before he rocked the bald look, he had some pretty funky, curly hair.

Howie Mandel Rockin the Jew Fro

Howie Mandel suffers from mysophbia, an extreme fear of germs. He refuses to shake hands with anyone, and is even apprehensive to turn door knobs.

What’s really interesting, is that Howie Mandel does not have Male Pattern baldness. On the Howard Stern show, he said that he was never balding but shaved his head because of his mysophobia. Apparently, a shaved head makes him feel cleaner.

At first I was skeptical of the “I shave my head to feel cleaner” story. For whatever reasons, guys are often ashamed to admit that they have Male Pattern Baldness. However, after searching the internet for a picture of Howie Mandel balding, I couldn’t find anything. With every picture, he either has a full head of hair or is completely shaved.

The look works well for him. If anything, it makes him recognizable. There are a lot of game show hosts, but only one game show host with a shaved head. The CEO of El Pollo Loco Stephen Carley has said his shaved head is an advantage because of “personal branding.” I also like the soul patch. Bald guys use a lot of things – glasses, beards, goatees – to draw attention away from their head. The soul patch is a unique way to accomplish this goal.

Howie Mandel’s show Deal or No Deal is notorious for using hot girls. One such “briefcase model” is Donna Feldman, who has done modeling in other sectors.

Dona Feldman Has Some Tig Ol' Bitties

Deal!

Woody Harrelson

Woody Harrelson is an actor who definitely suffers form Male Pattern Baldness. He had his first breakout role as Woody Boyd, the bartender in Cheers. Back in those days, the hair loss had not really kicked in, and he had pretty decent coverage.

In His Cheers Day With Hair

Kind of a goofy looking dude even with hair if you ask me. Still, Woody is the man, a big advocate of legalizing marijuana, and adheres to a raw vegan diet. Apparently his obsession with heath hasn’t done much for his hair.

One of Woody’s most memorable roles was for White Men Can’t Jump. In the role, he wore a very 90s looking hat the entire time. In retrospect, it was probably to cover up the beginning of Male Pattern Baldness.

Not a Bad Movie

These days, Woody usually rocks the Male Pattern Baldness looking loud and proud. It doesn’t seem to bother him that much.

Woody Rock the Balding Look

One time on Colbert, he said he supported the troops but not the war. Colbert asked Woody if he supported the troops enough to shave his head like he had done. Woody responded “I wish I has more support to show.” Woody proceeded to get his head shaved by Colbert.

Colbert Shaves Woody Harrelson's Head

Still, Woody manages to look alright in his own goofy way.

He currently has an Asian wife, Laura Louie, who isn’t bad looking.

He Would Marry and Asian

Still, she is no Jarah Mariano. But who is?

10 out of 10

Vin Diesel

Vin Diesel is an actor with one of the more famous bald heads in Hollywood. More of a video game character than an actor, Vin Diesel (most ridiculous name in Hollywood) has starred in movies like “The Fast and the Furious” and “xXx.” These days, it appears he keeps his hair either completely shaved off, or buzzed down to a number 1. However, this wasn’t always the case. 

Decent Hairline

 

Back in the day, he had some good coverage, but the angles of the hairline indicate the start of male pattern baldness. He has the look every bald badass should strive for. With longer hair, he looks 10 years older and far less intimidating. 

Not a Good Look

 

Sometimes, less really is more. These days, Vin Diesel keeps his melon slick. He is also pretty jacked. When your most noticeable feature is you’re huge muscles instead of your lack of hair, the baldness becomes invisible. 

Looking Cut

 

With a body like that, ladies don’t seem to mind the lack of hair too much. Vin Diesel’s (I refuse to call him just “Vin” or “Diesel”) ethnicity is half black and half Italian and he seems to like ethnic women. His current girlfriend is Paloma Jimenez. 

Paloma Jimenez

You want more, you say?

White Girls Just Don't Have That

Spicy.

Jason Statham

This bald english actor is a complete badass. Most famous for his roles in movies like Crank and The Bank Job, Jason Statham is notorious for doing his own stunts. Before his acting career, Statham was a world class diver and martial artist. He maintains the athletic build.

Ready to Kick Ass

 

Statham seems to keep his hair in a nice, tight buzz. He is obviously balding, but has the two characteristics – darkness and a thin face – that work well for bald men. He might look better with a completely shaved head, but I think the current look works for him.

Looking Good

 

I like the beard as well. With bald guys, anything that draws attention from the top of the dome seems to help. Glasses, goatees, beards – they all seem to do the job.

Being a total badass also helps with the look. For whatever reason, having no hair on top can give off a “tough guy” look. Bald men tend to have more testosterone flowing through their body, and testosterone can lead to hair loss, so maybe the connection is rooted in something.

Being a Badass

 

As you might imagine, Statham does pretty well with women, despite the hair loss. I’m sure the six-pack, millions of dollars, and English accent have something to do with it. In the past, he dated Kelly Brook, who also dated bald man Billy Zane. Any girl who has a quasi bald fetish is alright in my book.

Jason Statham and Billy Zane's Ex Kelly Brook

 

Makes me want to lose my hair even faster.

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