Tim Howard

Bald footballers week rolls on with the American, bald, standout goalie (or keeper for those over seas) Tim Howard. A hero in the recent United States – England draw, Howard is arguably the most valuable player on the American team. He  played for the MetroStars and Manchester United, but currently starts for Everton.

Howard is half black, and used to have that typical short black man haircut. He had a relatively low, straight hairline.

Starting To Thin a Bit

As he has gotten older, Howard’s hair started to get progressively thinner. For a while, he was in balding denial, and would rock the terrible “hair on the sides” look.

Hair on Top Totally Thin

These days, Howard shaves his entire head. He looks a lot better – he’s a pretty good looking dude and has a dark complexion. He could probably look even better if he shaved his head with a realrazor. Currently, it looks like he just takes an electronic razor to the dome. If you look carefully, you can still see the residual hair. Luckily for Howard, being half black helps minimize the shadow effect.

Bald Head

Howard’s wife is nothing special. Instead, enjoy this hot Brazilian football fan.

Couldn't Find a Hot American Fan...

Landon Donovan

Balding footballers week continues with Landon Donovan’s receding hairline. Donovan is arguably America’s best soccer player. He plays for the Los Angles Galaxy, but has had mixed results while on loan to other teams like Bayern Munich and Everton.

Donovan has been a soccer stand out since his 92′ World Cup appearance. Back then, his hairline was much more in tact.

Good Coverage

Over the last eight years, Donovan’s hairline has receded substantially. While he is right in the middle of his soccer prime, he reached his hair prime several years ago.

Textbook Receding Hairline

The picture makes his hair look particularly bald. The combination of sweat and sun can lead to a very shiny dome.

Despite the noticeable recession at the temples, I think Donovan still looks pretty good. Obviously athletes pull off hair loss better than anyone else. When the first thing someone notices about you is how is how fit you are, any balding issues are less noticeable.

USA! USA!

This picture sums up Donovan nicely. When I look at this picture, I see an athlete, and American hero, and a handsome dude – not a bald a guy. Donovan’s goal in extra time against Algeria has been called the most important moment in American soccer history. One blogger called Donovan’s hairline the greatest goal in the history of receding hairlines. I think Thierry Henry might beg to differ. The New York Times even mentioned Donovan’s hairline, claiming he doesn’t let people’s comments about his hair bother him.

When someone has had a receding hairline for as long as Donovan, one has to wonder what’s up. Usually if guys are at a Norwood 3 by the time they are 22, they lose a lot more hair and are totally bald by the time they’re 30. However, Donovan’s hair has stayed relatively constant. Some might point to a hair transplant or hair plugs, but his hair looks natural, and if he got plugs, he would opt for a little more coverage.

Turns out drugs are the answer. In an ESPN chat, someone asked Donovan directly about his hair.

Balding (Reno, NV): How concerned are you about losing your hairline- Zidane got away with it, do you think you can?
Landon Donovan: (5:34 PM ET ) I’m going to all measures to keep it. I use a product to keep what I have so it doesn’t get worse. Look man, if it gives people something to make fun of me for, that’s fine. It is what it is.

Hooray for Donovan’s honesty! The “product” is clearly Propecia. It seems to be working for him. His hairline really hasn’t gotten much worse over the last couple of ears. The only problem: Propecia has been linked to erectile dysfunction. Perhaps this explains problems between him and wife Bianca Kajlich. She’s been in classics like “10 Things I Hate About You” and “Bring It On.” Apparently, her and Donovan may not together anymore.

I’d take 90 minutes with her.

After his last game, Donovan said on national T.V that he still loves Bianca. Rumors are that she called him up after that, and the two started to reconcile their relationship.

Landon, a word of advice. STOP! Now that you’re an American hero, she suddenly has interest in you? Please. She’s a complete fame whore. You single-handedly put American Soccer on the map – you should be knee deep in poon. Who cares if you have a receding hairline? Get off the Propecia! It kills boners! Even if the rest of your hair falls out, you know that you’ll do just fine with the ladies. So be a bald role model, keep rocking that receding hairline, and starting parlaying your sports heroism to a bed full of 22 year old nussies.

Wayne Rooney

Wayne Rooney kicks off bald footballers week on baldingisbeautiful! That’s right, in honor of the world cup, every post this week will be dedicated to a soccer player who has lost some hair. Rooney is the 24 year old English striker that also plays for Manchester United. He used to have a decent hairline.

Gotta hate Man U, and England

These days, that hairline is long gone. He has rocked the shaved head look in the past, but he is pretty pale, so he usually just embraces his receding hairline. He usually looks pretty scary, but who cares, he’s a great footballer.

Balding For Sure

Not only does he have a receding hairline, but what’s left up there is starting to thin. Rooney will never be a pretty dude – good thing he’s loaded.

Being a famous athlete, you would think Rooney could pull some decent tail. In reality, his girlfriend Coleen Mcloughlin isn’t particularly hot.

Rooney's Piece

Maybe  his hairline really is hurting his off the pitch game. Or maybe English dudes are into this look.

After England tied the US, I heard that tired cliche “a tie is like kissing your sister” a ton. Kissing Coleen Mcloughlin shouldn’t be worth much more…

Tony Kornheiser

Tony Kornheiser is a former Sportswriter famously known for co-hosting the show Pardon the Interruption with fellow bald man, Michael Wilbon. He also had an infamous stint on Monday Night Football, which he ended up leaving due to a fear of flying.

Kornheiser is an older dude, and frequently references his own hair, talking about how he used to have some decent locks back in the 70s. Here’s his High School yearbook picture.

Kornheiser has mentioned that his hair started thinning relatively early in life, when he was at the greatest university on the planet – SUNY Binghamton.

Kornheiser has one of the more famous comb-overs out there. There are entire websites dedicated to his hair loss.

Comb-over is Never a Good Idea

 

Kornheiser has benefited from the progression of his hair loss. He has gotten to the point where he can’t even pull off a combover anymore, so he just leaves it alone up top – a much better look.

He Will Never Be Brad Pitt

 

On his radio show, Kornheiser once referenced his love for bald basketball commentator Dick Vitale saying he likes whenever a bald man gets a good job.

Kornheiser famously criticized Sportscenter anchor Hannah Storm‘s wardobe, saying she dressed too slutty for her age.  I don’t think he will ever have the same complaint for another ESPN employee, hot new anchor Jenn Brown.

The New Erin Andrews

Andre Agassi

Andre Agassi’s hair is nearly as famous as his tennis play. He once obtained the number one ranking in the world, and has even obtained the career grand slam. In his book, he admitted that wore a wig at the 1990 French open. At the time he was just 20 years old. That had to be rough.

The Mullet is the Ultimate Hair Style - Business in the Front, Party in the Back

From his book,

‘I asked myself: you want to wear a toupee? On the tennis court? I answered myself; what else could I do?…Then a fiasco happened, the evening before the match, I stood under the shower and felt my wig suddenly fall apart.

Probably I used the wrong hair rinse. I panicked and called my brother Philly into the room. “It’s a total disaster!” I said to him. He looked at it and said he could clamp it with hair clips. It took 20 clips. “Do you think it will hold?” I asked. “Just don’t move so much,” he said.

Of course I could have played without my hairpiece, but what would all the journalists have written if they knew that all the time I was really wearing a wig? During the warming-up training before play I prayed. Not for victory, but that my hairpiece would not fall off. With each leap, I imagined it falling…”

It’s amazing that he was able to reach the finals of a major tennis tournament will all that on his mind. As he got a little older, he started to ditch the wig and embraced his hairloss.

Buzzed Head and Goatee, Classic Balding Look

These days, Agassi shaves his head completely and has no facial hair. The look works well for him – he looks clean, intelligent and professional.

Bald and Proud

That’s Andre with his wife, former tennis player Steffi Graf. She’s 5’9, and Andre admitted to wearing elevator shoes at his wedding so he wouldn’t look short. As you can see, he’s a pretty self conscious dude. Dealing with hair loss at such a young age must have been particularly rough. Now I love Steffi Graf, but she’s no Anna Kournikova.

Love-Love

or Maria Sharapova

Bootiful

or even Simona Halep.

No Wonder Female Tennis Is So Popular In America

Joe Biden

Joe Biden is the balding Vice-Preisdent of the United States. He hasn’t really done much as the VP, but his hair has done a lot over the years. As a younger lad, he had some pretty good hair. There may have been some possible recession at the temples.

You Know You're Old When You Have Pictures are in Black and White

As he got older, his hair would start to thin. By 1988, he would be very thin up top, in typical male pattern baldness fashion.

Joe Biden Balding

I think Biden could have gotten a nice buzz cut or shaved his head and looked alright. However, politics and Hollywood seems to be the realms where no hair can really impact someone. Americans haven’t elected a bald president since Eisenhower, over 50 years ago.

Maybe this was the reason Biden got hair plugs. He’s never admitted it, but it seems pretty obvious to keep some of his hair up top. Here’s a recent picture of him.

Joe Biden Hair Plugs

Magically, it seems like he grew back a ton of hair over 25 years. I know he may grow it out in the front and slick it back, but it still seems pretty apparent that he had some work done.

Joe’s wife is Jill Biden. Total milf.

I'd Hit That

Maybe the hair transplant worked out for Joe after all.

Patrick Stewart

If Bruce Willis is the bald Jesus, Sir Patrick Stewart (yes he was nighted) is the bald god. He is mostly known for his role in  Star Trek: The Next Generation, playing Jean-Luc Picard. For my money, he played a much better captain than that toupee wearing fraud, William Shatner. 

Jean-Luc Picard

 

In one BBC interview, Stewart discussed his balding extensively. As an aspiring young actor, he wore a toupee, but eventually ditched it when he realized it messed with his self confidence. 

 In Star Trek, Stewart’s character is highly cerebral. Everyone knows being bald is an advantage due to brain cooling. While a man with a full head of hair might overheat if he thinks too hard, bald men have no such problem. 

With that shaved head, Stewart looks like a dude from the future. He has also played Professor Charles Xavier in the X-Men series. 

Everyone Knows, Bald = Telekinetic Powers

 

The bald look works white well for Stewart, which is lucky for him, because it looks like he lost his hair early on. 

Patrick Stewart with Hair

He looks like an absolute cheeseball when they make him wear hair for a role.

Patrick Stewart With a Toupee

The latest Star Trek movie actually didn’t suck. I especially liked Zoe Saldana as Nyota Uhura.

Gotta Love Black Girls

She can beam me up anytime she wants.